No Princesses Here
Princesses, in pop culture, are beautiful, wealthy, and honored. They’re adored in public. They’re chased after by handsome princes. They own lots of gorgeous clothes and participate in endless balls. They’re looked after by armies of servants. Everyone defers to them and rushes to meet their needs. It’s good to be a princess.
It’s good to be a princess but there are no princesses in the Martin family. Our reasons are mainly theological, so if you’re not a Christian you may very well find them to be nonsensical or overwrought.
I first started thinking about princesses when I read Look at me! I’m a princess! 2 years ago. Kerrie Newmarch talks about the pop culture infatuation with princesses and the ways that that infatuation has found it’s way into Christian culture as well. As Kerrie draws out, ultimately being a princess is having the world be all about you. It’s having the world recognize your beauty, recognize your importance, meet your needs, and generally defer to you.
But, for a Christian, it’s not all about me. It’s all about God. The Westminister Catechism addresses this right up front, in the first question.
Q. 1. What is the chief end of man?
A. Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.
This is made quite clear in the Bible, in such passages as Romans 11:36
For from him [God] and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.
and 1 Corithinians 6:20, 10:31
for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. … So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God
and Revelation 4:11
“Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they existed and were created.”
As Christians, we’re commanded to draw attention to God, not to ourselves. While it’s true that God is our King, we primarily relate to him as our father. It’s much more important to be His children than to be his Prince or Princess. As Kerrie puts it:
It seems that being a princess focuses on how the world sees us, whereas being a daughter is at the centre on how our heavenly Father sees us. It seems to me that no king deals with his child as ‘princess’ in preference to ‘daughter’. Focussing on ‘princess’ puts us in danger of emphasizing how the world sees us, rather than how God sees us.
As we look at Romans 8:16-17, it is useful to think about the language used in the preceding verses. The teaching is presented in the descriptive language of family. In verse 12, Paul uses the term ‘brothers’ when encouraging fellow believers to live by the Spirit. In verse 15, he tell us that we cry out to “Abba, Father”. These are not the words that are used to address royalty or sovereignty, but words that express relationship and intimacy.
… We are children of our heavenly father and subjects of the king at the one and same time. We do not need to swap ‘daughter’ for ‘princess’. I recognize that the image of ‘princess’ seems more powerful and hopeful for women who have had absent or abusive fathers, but we shouldn’t underplay the healing power, joy, sense of purpose and worth that comes in the experience of being God’s child. This is the true teaching of God’s word. It is the gospel that makes all of my hopes of “wrongs being made right, good overcoming evil and living happily ever after” a reality.
It’s also important to consider how we relate to others around us. Christine and I want to raise our daughters to be loving, kind, forgiving, and humble. As I’ve said before, princesses are commonly seen being adored by massive crowds and dancing at beautiful balls. The princess myth doesn’t seem to match up too well to the virtues of humility and self-sacrificing service. Here’s what the Bible has to say about our interactions with each other.
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned
… Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
… Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
This is what it means to be a son or daughter of God. We don’t have princes or princesses in our house. Not because it’s wrong to be beautiful or admired. And not because it’s wrong to dress up in pretty clothes, play pretend, or act elegant. I’m in favor of all of those things. But it’s better to see God’s beauty, creativity, strength, and power. It’s better to admire God. And we want to do everything we can to teach our daughters to look to God instead of looking to themselves.
Do, by the way, read Kerrie Newmarch’s full article, Look at me! I’m a princess!. It’s very, very good and she deals with far more of the princess myth than I ever would.